The Truth About Mixed Signals in Dating

You shouldn't need hours of overthinking to figure out where you stand with someone. Mixed signals often aren't mixed at all...they're clarity wrapped in inconsistency. In this episode, I share why your body often knows something feels off long before your mind is willing to accept it.

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Transcript

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Welcome back and welcome to the Security You podcast. My name is CT, and I hope you understand why you love the way you do. Today I want to define something I feel like shouldn't even need to be defined, but we need to dive into it to bring awareness to this topic. Put simply, mixed signals are not mixed signals. Mixed signals are just clarity masked in that way. So if someone is not showing you mutual interest, investment, reciprocity, not meeting you, where you need to be met, you're putting in, or you feel like you're putting in way more time and energy into the connection, or to keep the connection going than you're receiving. That right there, that's not someone that, quote unquote, is bad at texting or is quote unquote so busy. No one is too busy to be with or make time for the person that they love, that they want to be with, that they want to create their life with, or if we don't even want to go down that route and talk life partner and marriage, just literally the person that you were in a relationship with should be putting in, this is just a standard, should be putting in the same energy and effort than you are. And if they're not, that to me is a huge red flag. But maybe it's not even a red flag, it's just literally by their inaction that they don't value the connection in the way you do. I saw this on Reddit where somebody made a post. If you're having to ask the question, you already have the answer. So they were saying that to guys. Girls make it clear when they want to be with you. They want to see you, they clear your schedule for you. There are no other guys, they want to do sweet things for you, they want you to ask them out. It's so simple. If you've been friend zone, there's no coming out of it. To girls, it says when men want to be with you, they make it crystal clear. They treat you with a sense of urgency, they want to see you in person, they don't want anyone else being with you, they want a label, they aren't trying to rush intimacy. So if things are clear as mud, it's a funny way to say it. If you're wondering, sitting there in ambiguity, confused, they just aren't into you. No one is avoidant of being with someone they want. They're avoidant when they're not interested in you. No one is afraid of a relationship of love. No one is that busy, they're just not into you. And so it kind of goes on from there. But the point remains true. It's just like really, yes, the attachment styles are gonna play a big role in the long, in my opinion, in the longevity, the sustainability of a relationship if we're not both committed and working to the same end goal, but in that same vein, just because they're that style and you're this style, doesn't mean from the jump that they can't be putting in the same investment into that connection. So, from a bigger umbrella standpoint, if you're having to go to Reddit or your friends, your family, search things out on the internet, if you're having to do all of those things to really validate that you should stay in that relationship. You know, you're questioning different things and and you're you're trying to see if if the relationship is worth staying in or repairing, to me, that's actually a big sign that your nervous system is telling you that that connection isn't right for you. Many times your nervous system is gonna tell you, maybe every time, I don't want to make it that black and white, but your nervous system is gonna tell you when something is off, when something isn't right, when something needs to end, or feelings have changed, or whatever the circumstance is, your nervous system is gonna tell you that before your brain does. So I think what ends up happening is the nervous system is saying one thing, and the brain, our brains are trying to understand or rationalize this, that, and the other thing to stay in that connection when the nervous system already has told us that it's not the right fit. And one last thing I want to remind you is that asking for clarity in a connection, in a relationship, in a dating situation is totally okay and really should be desired. Somebody that is secure is gonna see that as refreshing, is going to appreciate that, it's going to appreciate that transparency, and will be able to reciprocate that to you. Somebody that has an insecure attachment, most likely fearful or dismissive avoidant, is going to see that as danger, as pressure, as expectations, which in turn is going to make them shut down, run away, change the subject. And that alone, just the clarity piece, asking for clarity, can actually give you a lot of clarity about whether that person can meet you where you need to be met. Hopefully that was helpful, insightful, gave you a new perspective. Love to hear from you. Can send in fan mail to the show. Love to know what you thought about this episode, other episodes, or if you have questions or ideas that you would like me to ask, or sorry, that you'd like me to answer or address in future episodes. I would love to hear that as well. Click on the link in the show notes. Thank you for being here. Until next time, take care and talk soon.