Behavior > Words

It has become abundantly clear that words don't seem to matter much in dating anymore. We can all say the 'right' thing or what we 'think' someone wants to hear. We can curate our online dating profiles like they are another piece of social media content. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is our behavior. Do our words match our actions? And with the person across from us, do their words and actions align? I talk through 3 recent experiences where it was, sadly, the exact opposite.

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Transcript

Speaker 0:04

Welcome back or welcome to the Securely You podcast. My name is CT, and I hope you understand why you love the way you do. Today's episode has been in my mind for a while. I've been wanting to do this episode. I'm excited to dive in. So it's this idea that behavior over words. Behavior means basically words mean nothing. And this is becoming extremely apparent with recent connections of my own and people that I have talked to about their dating experiences. It's that the easiest part of dating is we can all say the right thing. We can all tell each other exactly what we want to hear. And that's kind of the reason why it makes it confusing. Because the words feel good. They create hope. And it makes you stay in situations longer than you should. They can say they like you, but then they disappear for days. They say they want something serious, but they don't actually make real plans. They say they care, but they don't really show up for you in the moments that matter. So none of that matters then. None of those words matter if they're not backing it up with their behavior and follow-through and investment in that connection. And I mean, I'll give you just straight from dating apps recently where we even talked for more than a couple days. We match on the app, we move to texting, we get the uh date, the first date set up, and then they text me before that you know the day the night before, the day before. Oh yeah, sorry, I'm not in a position to date right now. I'm gonna take a step back. I was like, wait, what? Like, why are you even on the app? Why did you even want to move off the app? Why do we exchange numbers? Why did we agree to a date? Why did we do any of that? If you're not ready to date, it makes absolutely no sense. Or I had another situation recently where we agreed to the day of the date, but we didn't have the details around it. So I said, hey, why don't you text me and let's we'll figure it out? So we hop off the app, she texts me, go back and forth a bit. She actually initiates, hey, what's the plans for Friday? And so I explain to her the first date, and she never replies. Not once. Nothing. Even though we just talked for the last couple days, we agreed on the date, I tell you the date, and nothing. Or met somebody at a singles event. We match, the company gives you each other's contact info the next day. So I text her, never heard a thing. And I don't share these stories to ask for sympathy or just to vent. The purpose here is that all of these examples, they're showing in their behavior that they have no capacity, no desire, no intentionality to actually create anything. It just blows my mind that we've created a culture and a society around dating that where that is acceptable. I just it's hard for me to wrap my head around that. When someone is aligned with you, you don't have to decode it. You don't have to, there's a flow with that. They just show up, they follow through, they make it clear. There's an ease to that. And so interest without action isn't actually interest at all. Let me say that again. Interest without action isn't interest at all. So the next time that you're going on a date with somebody, or you're starting to build that connection and that relationship, think about are they matching their words to their actions, their words to their behaviors? Is there consistency and coherence between those two, or is what they're saying and how they're acting or showing up for you to complete opposite sides of the fence? That's all I got for you today. Hopefully that was helpful, insightful. I appreciate you being here. Until next time, take care.